Part deux of how I came to use “Live by My Faith, not my fear” as my mantra for the rest of this year.
Light bulb Moment
While on my hiatus this past month, I did a lot of this type of exploration. I dissected my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in an attempt to get to the root of what’s been holding me back from reaching some goals, and what it was that lead me to achieve others.
What I discovered was I had all of these core beliefs that I knew to be true for me without a doubt. In most cases, I had proof to back these beliefs up scattered throughout the experiences of my life so far. Yet, in the instances where I’d failed to take the risk, backed away from the opportunity, or just plain hid in my comfort zone, I was living as if those beliefs, as if my TRUTHS didn’t exist.
For example, at my core, I believe I’m a damn good story teller. Hence my writing fiction. I have proof of this in the form of people’s reactions to my stories – whether verbal or written. I’ve ALWAYS gotten good grades in school or been praised on jobs for my writing / story telling abilities. Yet, when it came down to marketing my books, I shied away from seeking reviews; I sold to friends and family over doing all that I could to reach a wider, unknown audience. I believed in my ability, but showed no faith in it when it mattered.
Another example, I have ALWAYS done things in somewhat of a bass-ackward way. My “short-cuts” took hours and never once involved a straight line; I loved building models as a kid, but following instructions? HA! I’d look at the pictures of the final product and use those as my guide. Those leftover pieces didn’t phase me as long as the model looked like it was supposed to once I’d finished. Basically, if one was “supposed to do” something a certain way, I was inevitably going to go in a different direction. Here’s the kicker, when I did things “my way”, I succeeded. When I tried to do it the way I was “supposed to” or the way that everyone else said to do it, I failed. Miserably. So, at my core, I have FAITH in my ability to do things my way and succeed, yet throughout the majority of my life (starting when I was around 10 yrs. old), I’ve gone against my better judgement and tried to do things the way I was “supposed to”. I was supposed to be an extrovert – ended up a social alcoholic to overcome my introverted ways; I was supposed to earn a living by having a professional sounding job for a company that provided benefits – wasted 30 years as a corporate drone when what I ALWAYS wanted to do was write fiction. Got pregnant so I was supposed to marry the father – divorced seven years later when it became too difficult to ignore the other women, who I might add, had been there since we were dating. You get the point.
I Can See Clearly Now
Ghandi is quoted as saying,
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,Ghandi
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
I believe what he said to be true, where I was getting hung up was at the words to actions to habits stage. I’d start off with words like:
- I’m really good at this
- I’m proud of myself for
- This doesn’t feel right to me
- I really want
But then this feeling would pop up, this fear (see #4 of the questions list). Instead of digging deeper into my core belief / my faith and standing firm in my truth, I’d allow the fear to change my thoughts which would then change my words:
- I can’t
- I won’t ever
- He’ll never love me unless I
- She thinks she’s better than me
- They know better because they have…and I don’t
- This is going to hurt
- I’m not doing it right
- They’re going to stop talking to me if I
All of that lead to actions that were damaging to me physically and mentally.
Stay tuned, the final post for this week comes on Thursday. It’ll wrap it all up and encourage you to share your thoughts on the concept of living your faith instead of your fear.
Sending love & light,